Sunday, December 9, 2012
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob,
after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?''It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with yourshareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.It said, 'Go forth and seek further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking
to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas ,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:Always let your boss have the first say.
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sittingvery, very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze
and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Sunday, June 3, 2012
One day one of Lao Tzu's disciples was sent by someone to pluck a few leaves from a tree. He broke a full branch and was taking it when Lao Tzu stopped him. "Don't you know you fool," he told the disciple, "if any part of this tree is destroyed, you, too, become less to that extent? When this tree stood before us, full and green, we, too, in a manner, were also full and green. Today, its wound has caused a scar within us also. We are not apart, we are one."
The tree that stood between the hut and the space outside is hewn down. Now the sky and the hut stand bare and naked. We cut down trees unscrupulously in order to clear a good place for dwelling. We have destroyed completely many species of animals also.
This new movement in they call ecology, is belief in the interrelationship of organisms and environment. They say we have to suffer because of the things we have destroyed. The birds that sing in jungles are equally a part of us. When birds stop singing, we shall have created a hindrance in music that is in nature; our minds will never know the peace and joy that came with their singing. We are not aware of this for we know not of the vast world outside. He is totally unaware of the clouds that glide in the skies; he does not see flowers blooming on trees, nor does he hear the song of birds in the spring.
Rachel Carson in 'The Silent Spring' spoke of a sudden, drastic change that had taken place. Thousands of birds suddenly fell from trees and died. Thousand others lay dead in streets of towns. Spring was suddenly hushed into silence. Due to some fault in the atomic energy research experiments, this catastrophe took place. The spring in England has never be the same.
And we think -- what difference will the change in spring make in our lives? Will our roads or our market-places be affected if the birds stop singing? Would that life were so aloof and apart! But it is not so. Everything is interconnected. If a star becomes extinct, it affects the earth, even if it be millions of light years away.
If the moon is no more there will be enormous changes on earth. There will no longer be waves in the oceans; the menstrual cycle of women would become erratic. A slight difference -- and everything changes.
Lao Tzu says, "Let things be as they are." Accept them, they are your companions. Do not segregate the opposite. That which seems hostile and unfriendly, let even that be where it is, for the pattern of nature is deep and profound and full of mystery. Everything is joined within.
Lao Tzu says, "If there is the attitude of friendship, of companionship, between various parts of Existence, if there is the feeling of oneness with each other, instead of overpowering each other, a wonderful music is created in life." This very music Lao Tzu calls Tao; that very music is Religion; that very music is 'Rit'.
It is now becoming more and more clear that as the understanding of ecology expands, our understanding of Lao Tzu will also become more profound. The more we begin to understand unity within diversity, the less we shall be in a hurry to change the order of things.
Monday, March 26, 2012
A keen immigrant Indian lad applied for a salesman's job at London 's premier downtown department store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.
The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes sir, I was a salesman in India ", replied the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you."
· The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it.
· And finally 6:00 PM came around.
· The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"
· "Sir, Just ONE sale." said the young salesman.
· "Only one sale?" blurted the boss.
· "No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day.
· "If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale.
· By the way "How much was the sale worth?"
· = 93300534.00 pounds" said the young man.
· "What"," How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
· "Well", said the salesman,
· "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook.
· Then I sell him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.
· Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.
· So I told him he'd be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines.
· Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe
· 4X4 Blazer.
· I then asked him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6-sleeper camper tents.
· Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.
· The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!"
"No" answered the salesman, "he came in to buy a headache relief tablet and I said to him, "Sir, fishing is best remedy for headache "
Boss - "You sit in my chair.......